Ga Mau Nikah Kalo Ga Sama Orang Jawa!! (The Power of Stereotype Thinking)

Post ini sebenernya sesuatu yang sudah lama saya pikirkan, yg triggered gara-gara heboh pernikahan anak Sultan tempo hari, GKR Bendara dengan KPH Yudanegara.

Ceritanya waktu itu saya dan ibu saya sedang menonton TV yang menyiarkan acara pernikahan itu. Tentunya pembaca sudah tahu kalau suami anak sultan itu bukan keturunan ningrat dan bukan juga orang Jawa. Lantas, ibu saya berkata 'Wah, baik banget ya Sultan, anaknya boleh nikah sama orang yang bukan keturunan Jawa!'

Ucapan ibu saya itu spontan mengingatkan saya pada kejadian beberapa bulan silam. Waktu itu saya sedang nonton acara Hitam Putih di Trans 7. Bintang tamu acara itu (saya gak tau siapa, maklum saya jarang banget nonton TV sampai-sampai saya paling cuma tahu <1% muka artis Indonesia) waktu itu ditanya oleh presenternya (Deddy Corbuzier bukan sih? Dan ya, segini menyedihkannya saya sampai-sampai engga tau mukanya Deddy Corbuzier, meski namanya sering saya dengar). Pertanyaannya kira2 begini, 'Apa karakteristikmu dalam memilih suami yang ideal?'

Kemudian si artis menjawab, baik perhatian dan blablabla macam2 karakteristik cowok ideal, tapi kemudian diakhiri dengan perkataan 'dan calon suami saya harus Batak'. Alasannya, karena 'itu keinginan orangtua'.

Ucapan sang artis itu menyentil suatu bagian terdalam dari hati saya. Diam-diam saya berpikir, "Apa iya ras bisa dijadikan kriteria dalam memilih jodoh?" Sejujurnya saya gak pernah memikirkan hal ini secara serius. Orangtua saya gak pernah secara spesifik meminta saya harus bersuami orang Jawa tapi secara implisit terlihat kalo mereka lebih senang kalo saya memilih orang Jawa sebagai pacar (or suami, eventually). Well, bukannya saya pernah punya pacar yang bukan orang Jawa, thanks to my antisociality sampe2 orang-orang yang saya kenal cuma itu-itu saja, tapi tetep saja saya tahu kalo orangtua saya akan lebih prefer saya memilih pasangan hidup yang orang Jawa.

Nah, seperti yang saya bilang, saya dulu gak pernah berpikir soal ini secara serius, karena saya pikir hal ini sudah taken for granted alias wajar. Bagian mana dari 'nurutin keinginan orangtua' yang enggak wajar? Sebagai anak berbakti, sudah tentu itu kewajiban kita. Nah, kemampuan saya berpikir kritis soal hal ini baru tertantang ketika kemudian seorang teman saya ada yang mengatakan "Masa jodoh harus ditentukan berdasarkan ras?". Entah gimana detilnya sampai kami bisa mendiskusikan itu tapi yang jelas pertanyaan dia itu saya ingat betul dan sejak itulah saya mulai terpikir, sebenarnya orang Indonesia itu rasis tanpa disadari.

(Oke, mulai bagian ini mungkin pos saya akan sedikit eksplisit dan berbau sedikit 'rasis' meski maksud saya bukan untuk rasis. Kalau tidak mau membaca, harap jangan diteruskan. You have been warned!)

Seberapa sering kita mendengar obrolan-obrolan berbau stereotype semacam 'Jangan nikah sama orang Cina soalnya mereka suka pelit', 'Jangan nikah sama orang orang Maluku, mereka suka kasar sama istrinya', atau 'kalo mau nikah sama orang Jawa aja, orang Jawa itu paling baik' (ya jelaslah paling baik, kalo dipandang dari sudut pandang orang Jawa juga tentunya).

Menilai orang berdasarkan ras atau golongan tanpa lebih dulu mengenal orangnya inilah yang dinamakan stereotype thinking, dan prejudice semacam ini menurut saya bener-bener gak berguna dan banyak salahnya. Coba pikir: Orang Cina pasti pelit, orang Maluku kasar, orang Sunda enggak bisa dipercaya, orang Jawa paling baik (maaf soalnya post ini ditulis orang Jawa, jadi seringnya dengar hal yang baik-baik soal orang Jawa, padahal gak mesti juga). Nah, pertanyaannya: emang tau darimana sampe2 bisa menyimpulkan begitu padahal pernah ketemu atau bergaul sama orang-orang itu aja belum tentu kalian pernah?

Stereotype merupakan sesuatu yang mencegah kita untuk benar-benar mengenal dan menerima seseorang apa adanya. Coba pikir, Indonesia ini punya banyak sekali suku yang tersebar luas dari Sabang sampai Merauke. Ada orang Batak, Dayak, Sunda, Padang, Jawa, Cina, dan sebagainya. Rugi benar kalo sampe kita mencegah diri kita kenal sama orang yang berlainan suku cuma gara-gara rumor yang menyebutkan 'awas jangan mau sama dia soalnya dia orang xxx! Ntar kamu pasti rugi deh soalnya dia pasti begini begini begitu'. Screw that, man! First, you should know him or her before ever making such a judgment and second, judge that person on the very essence of him as a person, not based on his or her race! Race has no effect on the very quality of a person whatsoever!

Coba pikir, emang apa sih efeknya ras ke kualitas kita sebagai manusia? Apakah orang Jawa punya hati yang lebih baik dibandingkan orang Sunda? Apakah orang Minang tidak bisa dipercaya karena dia bukan orang Jawa? Kalo kita memandang suatu ras lebih baik daripada yang lainnya, itu adalah karena kesombongan kita sendiri, keegoisan kita memandang ras kita paling baik, mungkin karena memang kita tumbuh dan berkembang dalam budaya yang didominasi ras tersebut sehingga pikiran kita otomatis jadi sama seperti mereka. Dan, inilah yang menyebabkan budaya pemikiran kita yang semakin sempit, yang cuma mau menerima orang dari ras tertentu sebagai pasangan hidup kita, bahkan tanpa mencoba mengenal lebih baik orang yang berlainan ras atau suku dengan kita.

Karena itulah saya senang ketika Sultan membolehkan anaknya menikah dengan orang yang bukan orang Jawa dan Deddy Corbuzier mencecar si bintang tamu yang menjawab 'suami saya harus Batak' tadi itu. Deddy bertanya 'Memang apa pengaruhnya kalo suami kamu Batak? Apa seseorang akan lebih baik untuk kamu simply karena dia orang Batak?' dan si artis ga bisa menjawab kecuali berkali-kali menekankan kalo itu keinginan orangtua. Well, see? You really can't judge a person based on his or her race dan saya senang ternyata ada beberapa orang juga yang sudah sadar akan hal itu. Stereotype is bad, man! You will lose the chance of actually knowing a great person simply because you have made prejudices before really knowing that person as a person.

Día Oficial de Fernando Torres

Lol... I tried making the post's title in Spanish... I wanted to say 'Official Fernando Torres's Day'.. so how was it? I hope that was the right way to say it (giggle).

Anyway, what the heck is 'Official Fernando Torres's Day'? Is there actually an official day for Liverpool (CHELSEA) no. 9? Of course not (Lol). Actually it's not something that important but it's just so weird that I want to share this.

I've been in this campus for almost a year already and for so long I have NEVER seen anyone wearing football (English, not American) jersey. But today, when I sat in my first Wednesday Class - Marketing 3000 - ready for my exam, this guy in front of me wore the jersey that I despise the most. A blue No. 9 Chelsea jersey with Torres's name written on it.

Maybe you can already tell that I am one of those Liverpool fans who loved and idolized Fernando when he's still in Liverpool. To me he's one of the greatest players I've ever seen. And I guess I also don't need to explain anymore how I'm heartbroken by his move to Chelsea and now torn between still loving him (because I still remember how he was such a good player in Liverpool and wonder if one day I can see his old, frightening self again who successfully terrorized the defense of Premier League in his early years for Liverpool) and despising him (after saying Liverpool this, Liverpool that, and how he's happy playing for Liverpool... he made a move to Chelsea which he referred to as the 'bigger' team on another level than Liverpool. Really, ew.)

So, back to my story, every time I look ahead, I always saw a flash of blue and a big '9' with capital 'TORRES' written over the number. Ew, that successfully distracted my attention all the way through exam. And anyway, I still have to wonder why he decided to put on that Torres's jersey, especially after his poor performance lately (he still hasn't scored for Chelsea).

And then, on my way home, I saw somebody with a red Liverpool jersey (and old one, the front still bear Carlsberg's mark). Pushed by curiosity, I decided to take a peek to see whose name he got on the back (I got a very strong feeling that it will be Torres's), and as soon as I saw it, I just had to laugh. Yes, that jersey was identical with the one I saw earlier. It also bore a big '9' with capital 'TORRES' written over it, only this one was red. OK. I have never seen people wearing football jersey and now Two Fernando Torres in one day. Such a weird day O.O

Anyway, I know it's not that important and maybe I'm overreacting (so what if I had seen two people wearing Torres's jersey? People can wear what they want). I know that, but still it feels weird to me, the way his name just popped out in front of me, not to mention it's in AMERICA (People in America DON'T watch English football. Maybe less than 10% watch it.). Also, not to mention that I had spent my saving money to buy his jersey and then he just went and left Liverpool. I haven't even worn that jersey more than once. Thank you, Torres. Thank you very much.

Ps: Not to mention that I also saw two more people wearing Barcelona's jersey, and one of them was my professor in Marketing Class. And now I also wear a blue Spanish jersey.

The Time Traveler's Wife Book Review

I know I'm so late at making this review and most of you probably had seen the movie or read this book already but what the hell. I love this book and still going to recommend you to read it just in case you haven't :)

This book revolves around the love story between Henry and Clare. Henry DeTamble, a 28 year-old librarian who lives in Chicago and looks just like a perfectly normal librarian with an extraordinary love for books.... except that he is anything but normal. He was born a Chrono-impaired person, meaning he often finds himself time-traveling.... involuntarily. Instead of time-traveling, probably the more appropriate term is that he often finds himself displaced in time. He can never control when or where he will be going, and since he is not allowed to take anything with him when time traveling, not even his clothes, he often has to survive by pickpocketing, picking locks, and stealing.

Henry first met Clare at the age of 28. For Clare however, that was not her first time meeting him. Many times in her past she had seen the future self of Henry, who time-traveled back to when Clare was as young as six. This extraordinary couple finally got married, and in this book they take turn telling stories from their side.

How Henry has to deal with all the hardships he experiences during time-traveling and how he misses home and hates to go away where Clare can't follow. How he despises himself for being such unreliable husband during all the time they were together. And Clare - how she is the one who has to wait for Henry every time, worrying, wondering if her husband is somewhere out there, if he is all right.

I was a little skeptical about this book, especially because the first half of the book looks more like a science fiction. But as the story goes on, what seemingly a science fiction turned into a real love story and got me badly captivated. Especially with its brilliant and touching ending, it will be hard not to be moved to tears by Henry and Clare's true love across the time. When you really love somebody, time and distance mean nothing.

Terrible Mistake

How deep I've hurt you...


Forgive me, though I know I can never be forgiven....


How heavy is the burden of forgiveness....


How deep is the burden of my sin...


Forgive me...