I'm not gonna lie about this: it's hard.
Especially when you are thousands of kilometers apart from your beloved one. He's all the way in Indonesia... and I'm in America.
Your days and nights are not the same anymore, you started doing new things separately, your worlds are changing and they slowly become different. It's becoming harder and harder to see each other, your feelings are not connected and you feel as though you don't understand each other anymore.... And that's when your love's gonna be tested.
Well, I guess need to provide a little detail about why I'm in a long distance relationship.
On August 2010 I left home for Global Undergraduate Exchange Program. I'm gonna spend about ten months in the USA, and come home on May 2011.
Deep inside, as happy as I am for getting this scholarship, I could never forgive myself for leaving him alone, at the time when he needs me the most. This year he finally graduated from college, and started looking for work, and I really hate myself for not being able to see with my own eyes the moment he started taking his first step to the outer world. I hate myself for not being able to be there with him in such a crucial moment, when he began stepping toward his future. I hate myself.
I tried to be a really good girlfriend even though I'm faraway but I know that's not enough. I want to be there with him. What am I doing here? Why am I alone? Why am I leaving him? Sometimes the feeling of loneliness is just so overwhelming that I want to cry. But I tried to suck them all up and convince myself. Yes, it's only for a year! I will survive until May!
And then came that call. He got a job in Kalimantan (it's somewhere really far away from my hometown). I was really happy that he got a job.... but also terrified. He's moving away.. Who knows if I will be able to see him again in the future? Kalimantan is really far, it's costly to go back home. And he might never get a holiday long enough so that he can visit home. Suddenly everything just feels so... empty. Lonely. I used to be so eager waiting to come home because I know I'll see him again if I come home. But now? Even though I come back to my hometown, it will not be the same anymore... not without him there. When will I ever see him again? God knows.
A little advice for those who are also in LDR:
1.) Long distance relationship relies on two things : trust and commitment. As long as you believe in your partner and keep your commitment, you'll be fine.
It is so much easier said than done. Distance is a terrible thing. Sometimes you feel as though your hearts are not connected anymore. You feel as though you don't understand each other. You began to fight, and you are scared seeing how your friends who are also in LDR began to break up one by one, and you wonder if that will happen to you as well.
2.)Don't worry too much about it. Life goes on. For me, I strongly believe that he is my one and only and I will keep trusting him, because I know that I can never feel this way again for anybody else. As lonely as I am right now, I have no intentions of breaking up. But if you feel that LDR is not working for you, don't force yourself. Break up and get it over with.
3.) Always remember that it is NOT going to be easy. Don't expect anything close to the relationship you were in back home because it is going to be entirely different. It is not going to be as romantic or intimate. There will come days when you feel lonely, but take it easy. Go out and hang around with your friends if you feel lonely, but remember to ALWAYS keep your trust and commitment. Your partner is not going anywhere and so is you.
4.) Seek moral support. If you look around, it's highly possible that you will find friends in the same situation as you (LDR) and trust me, that makes you feel a LOT better!
Lastly, say it to yourself : Long distance relationship? YES, I WILL SURVIVE!!!
