Ga Mau Nikah Kalo Ga Sama Orang Jawa!! (The Power of Stereotype Thinking)

Post ini sebenernya sesuatu yang sudah lama saya pikirkan, yg triggered gara-gara heboh pernikahan anak Sultan tempo hari, GKR Bendara dengan KPH Yudanegara.

Ceritanya waktu itu saya dan ibu saya sedang menonton TV yang menyiarkan acara pernikahan itu. Tentunya pembaca sudah tahu kalau suami anak sultan itu bukan keturunan ningrat dan bukan juga orang Jawa. Lantas, ibu saya berkata 'Wah, baik banget ya Sultan, anaknya boleh nikah sama orang yang bukan keturunan Jawa!'

Ucapan ibu saya itu spontan mengingatkan saya pada kejadian beberapa bulan silam. Waktu itu saya sedang nonton acara Hitam Putih di Trans 7. Bintang tamu acara itu (saya gak tau siapa, maklum saya jarang banget nonton TV sampai-sampai saya paling cuma tahu <1% muka artis Indonesia) waktu itu ditanya oleh presenternya (Deddy Corbuzier bukan sih? Dan ya, segini menyedihkannya saya sampai-sampai engga tau mukanya Deddy Corbuzier, meski namanya sering saya dengar). Pertanyaannya kira2 begini, 'Apa karakteristikmu dalam memilih suami yang ideal?'

Kemudian si artis menjawab, baik perhatian dan blablabla macam2 karakteristik cowok ideal, tapi kemudian diakhiri dengan perkataan 'dan calon suami saya harus Batak'. Alasannya, karena 'itu keinginan orangtua'.

Ucapan sang artis itu menyentil suatu bagian terdalam dari hati saya. Diam-diam saya berpikir, "Apa iya ras bisa dijadikan kriteria dalam memilih jodoh?" Sejujurnya saya gak pernah memikirkan hal ini secara serius. Orangtua saya gak pernah secara spesifik meminta saya harus bersuami orang Jawa tapi secara implisit terlihat kalo mereka lebih senang kalo saya memilih orang Jawa sebagai pacar (or suami, eventually). Well, bukannya saya pernah punya pacar yang bukan orang Jawa, thanks to my antisociality sampe2 orang-orang yang saya kenal cuma itu-itu saja, tapi tetep saja saya tahu kalo orangtua saya akan lebih prefer saya memilih pasangan hidup yang orang Jawa.

Nah, seperti yang saya bilang, saya dulu gak pernah berpikir soal ini secara serius, karena saya pikir hal ini sudah taken for granted alias wajar. Bagian mana dari 'nurutin keinginan orangtua' yang enggak wajar? Sebagai anak berbakti, sudah tentu itu kewajiban kita. Nah, kemampuan saya berpikir kritis soal hal ini baru tertantang ketika kemudian seorang teman saya ada yang mengatakan "Masa jodoh harus ditentukan berdasarkan ras?". Entah gimana detilnya sampai kami bisa mendiskusikan itu tapi yang jelas pertanyaan dia itu saya ingat betul dan sejak itulah saya mulai terpikir, sebenarnya orang Indonesia itu rasis tanpa disadari.

(Oke, mulai bagian ini mungkin pos saya akan sedikit eksplisit dan berbau sedikit 'rasis' meski maksud saya bukan untuk rasis. Kalau tidak mau membaca, harap jangan diteruskan. You have been warned!)

Seberapa sering kita mendengar obrolan-obrolan berbau stereotype semacam 'Jangan nikah sama orang Cina soalnya mereka suka pelit', 'Jangan nikah sama orang orang Maluku, mereka suka kasar sama istrinya', atau 'kalo mau nikah sama orang Jawa aja, orang Jawa itu paling baik' (ya jelaslah paling baik, kalo dipandang dari sudut pandang orang Jawa juga tentunya).

Menilai orang berdasarkan ras atau golongan tanpa lebih dulu mengenal orangnya inilah yang dinamakan stereotype thinking, dan prejudice semacam ini menurut saya bener-bener gak berguna dan banyak salahnya. Coba pikir: Orang Cina pasti pelit, orang Maluku kasar, orang Sunda enggak bisa dipercaya, orang Jawa paling baik (maaf soalnya post ini ditulis orang Jawa, jadi seringnya dengar hal yang baik-baik soal orang Jawa, padahal gak mesti juga). Nah, pertanyaannya: emang tau darimana sampe2 bisa menyimpulkan begitu padahal pernah ketemu atau bergaul sama orang-orang itu aja belum tentu kalian pernah?

Stereotype merupakan sesuatu yang mencegah kita untuk benar-benar mengenal dan menerima seseorang apa adanya. Coba pikir, Indonesia ini punya banyak sekali suku yang tersebar luas dari Sabang sampai Merauke. Ada orang Batak, Dayak, Sunda, Padang, Jawa, Cina, dan sebagainya. Rugi benar kalo sampe kita mencegah diri kita kenal sama orang yang berlainan suku cuma gara-gara rumor yang menyebutkan 'awas jangan mau sama dia soalnya dia orang xxx! Ntar kamu pasti rugi deh soalnya dia pasti begini begini begitu'. Screw that, man! First, you should know him or her before ever making such a judgment and second, judge that person on the very essence of him as a person, not based on his or her race! Race has no effect on the very quality of a person whatsoever!

Coba pikir, emang apa sih efeknya ras ke kualitas kita sebagai manusia? Apakah orang Jawa punya hati yang lebih baik dibandingkan orang Sunda? Apakah orang Minang tidak bisa dipercaya karena dia bukan orang Jawa? Kalo kita memandang suatu ras lebih baik daripada yang lainnya, itu adalah karena kesombongan kita sendiri, keegoisan kita memandang ras kita paling baik, mungkin karena memang kita tumbuh dan berkembang dalam budaya yang didominasi ras tersebut sehingga pikiran kita otomatis jadi sama seperti mereka. Dan, inilah yang menyebabkan budaya pemikiran kita yang semakin sempit, yang cuma mau menerima orang dari ras tertentu sebagai pasangan hidup kita, bahkan tanpa mencoba mengenal lebih baik orang yang berlainan ras atau suku dengan kita.

Karena itulah saya senang ketika Sultan membolehkan anaknya menikah dengan orang yang bukan orang Jawa dan Deddy Corbuzier mencecar si bintang tamu yang menjawab 'suami saya harus Batak' tadi itu. Deddy bertanya 'Memang apa pengaruhnya kalo suami kamu Batak? Apa seseorang akan lebih baik untuk kamu simply karena dia orang Batak?' dan si artis ga bisa menjawab kecuali berkali-kali menekankan kalo itu keinginan orangtua. Well, see? You really can't judge a person based on his or her race dan saya senang ternyata ada beberapa orang juga yang sudah sadar akan hal itu. Stereotype is bad, man! You will lose the chance of actually knowing a great person simply because you have made prejudices before really knowing that person as a person.

Día Oficial de Fernando Torres

Lol... I tried making the post's title in Spanish... I wanted to say 'Official Fernando Torres's Day'.. so how was it? I hope that was the right way to say it (giggle).

Anyway, what the heck is 'Official Fernando Torres's Day'? Is there actually an official day for Liverpool (CHELSEA) no. 9? Of course not (Lol). Actually it's not something that important but it's just so weird that I want to share this.

I've been in this campus for almost a year already and for so long I have NEVER seen anyone wearing football (English, not American) jersey. But today, when I sat in my first Wednesday Class - Marketing 3000 - ready for my exam, this guy in front of me wore the jersey that I despise the most. A blue No. 9 Chelsea jersey with Torres's name written on it.

Maybe you can already tell that I am one of those Liverpool fans who loved and idolized Fernando when he's still in Liverpool. To me he's one of the greatest players I've ever seen. And I guess I also don't need to explain anymore how I'm heartbroken by his move to Chelsea and now torn between still loving him (because I still remember how he was such a good player in Liverpool and wonder if one day I can see his old, frightening self again who successfully terrorized the defense of Premier League in his early years for Liverpool) and despising him (after saying Liverpool this, Liverpool that, and how he's happy playing for Liverpool... he made a move to Chelsea which he referred to as the 'bigger' team on another level than Liverpool. Really, ew.)

So, back to my story, every time I look ahead, I always saw a flash of blue and a big '9' with capital 'TORRES' written over the number. Ew, that successfully distracted my attention all the way through exam. And anyway, I still have to wonder why he decided to put on that Torres's jersey, especially after his poor performance lately (he still hasn't scored for Chelsea).

And then, on my way home, I saw somebody with a red Liverpool jersey (and old one, the front still bear Carlsberg's mark). Pushed by curiosity, I decided to take a peek to see whose name he got on the back (I got a very strong feeling that it will be Torres's), and as soon as I saw it, I just had to laugh. Yes, that jersey was identical with the one I saw earlier. It also bore a big '9' with capital 'TORRES' written over it, only this one was red. OK. I have never seen people wearing football jersey and now Two Fernando Torres in one day. Such a weird day O.O

Anyway, I know it's not that important and maybe I'm overreacting (so what if I had seen two people wearing Torres's jersey? People can wear what they want). I know that, but still it feels weird to me, the way his name just popped out in front of me, not to mention it's in AMERICA (People in America DON'T watch English football. Maybe less than 10% watch it.). Also, not to mention that I had spent my saving money to buy his jersey and then he just went and left Liverpool. I haven't even worn that jersey more than once. Thank you, Torres. Thank you very much.

Ps: Not to mention that I also saw two more people wearing Barcelona's jersey, and one of them was my professor in Marketing Class. And now I also wear a blue Spanish jersey.

The Time Traveler's Wife Book Review

I know I'm so late at making this review and most of you probably had seen the movie or read this book already but what the hell. I love this book and still going to recommend you to read it just in case you haven't :)

This book revolves around the love story between Henry and Clare. Henry DeTamble, a 28 year-old librarian who lives in Chicago and looks just like a perfectly normal librarian with an extraordinary love for books.... except that he is anything but normal. He was born a Chrono-impaired person, meaning he often finds himself time-traveling.... involuntarily. Instead of time-traveling, probably the more appropriate term is that he often finds himself displaced in time. He can never control when or where he will be going, and since he is not allowed to take anything with him when time traveling, not even his clothes, he often has to survive by pickpocketing, picking locks, and stealing.

Henry first met Clare at the age of 28. For Clare however, that was not her first time meeting him. Many times in her past she had seen the future self of Henry, who time-traveled back to when Clare was as young as six. This extraordinary couple finally got married, and in this book they take turn telling stories from their side.

How Henry has to deal with all the hardships he experiences during time-traveling and how he misses home and hates to go away where Clare can't follow. How he despises himself for being such unreliable husband during all the time they were together. And Clare - how she is the one who has to wait for Henry every time, worrying, wondering if her husband is somewhere out there, if he is all right.

I was a little skeptical about this book, especially because the first half of the book looks more like a science fiction. But as the story goes on, what seemingly a science fiction turned into a real love story and got me badly captivated. Especially with its brilliant and touching ending, it will be hard not to be moved to tears by Henry and Clare's true love across the time. When you really love somebody, time and distance mean nothing.

Terrible Mistake

How deep I've hurt you...


Forgive me, though I know I can never be forgiven....


How heavy is the burden of forgiveness....


How deep is the burden of my sin...


Forgive me...

Think of Me

Think of me

Think of me fondly

when we said goodbye

Remember me, once in a while

please promise me you'll try

When you find that, once again

you long to take your heart back and be free

If you ever find a moment

spare a thought for me...

We never said our love was evergreen

or as unchanging as the sea...

But if you can still remember

stop and think of me....

Think of all the things we've shared and seen

Don't think about the things which might have been..

Think of me...

Think of me waking

silent and resigned

Imagine me..

Trying too hard to put you from my mind

Recall those days..

Look back on all those times

Think of all the things we'll never do

There will never be a day when I won't think of you....

We never said our love was evergreen

or as unchanging as the sea..

But please promise me

that sometimes

you will think of me.....

(Courtesy of Phantom of the Opera. Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber)

Long Distance Relationship : Yes I Will Survive!

I'm not gonna lie about this: it's hard.

Especially when you are thousands of kilometers apart from your beloved one. He's all the way in Indonesia... and I'm in America.

Your days and nights are not the same anymore, you started doing new things separately, your worlds are changing and they slowly become different. It's becoming harder and harder to see each other, your feelings are not connected and you feel as though you don't understand each other anymore.... And that's when your love's gonna be tested.

Well, I guess need to provide a little detail about why I'm in a long distance relationship.

On August 2010 I left home for Global Undergraduate Exchange Program. I'm gonna spend about ten months in the USA, and come home on May 2011.


Deep inside, as happy as I am for getting this scholarship, I could never forgive myself for leaving him alone, at the time when he needs me the most. This year he finally graduated from college, and started looking for work, and I really hate myself for not being able to see with my own eyes the moment he started taking his first step to the outer world. I hate myself for not being able to be there with him in such a crucial moment, when he began stepping toward his future. I hate myself.

I tried to be a really good girlfriend even though I'm faraway but I know that's not enough. I want to be there with him. What am I doing here? Why am I alone? Why am I leaving him? Sometimes the feeling of loneliness is just so overwhelming that I want to cry. But I tried to suck them all up and convince myself. Yes, it's only for a year! I will survive until May!

And then came that call. He got a job in Kalimantan (it's somewhere really far away from my hometown). I was really happy that he got a job.... but also terrified. He's moving away.. Who knows if I will be able to see him again in the future? Kalimantan is really far, it's costly to go back home. And he might never get a holiday long enough so that he can visit home. Suddenly everything just feels so... empty. Lonely. I used to be so eager waiting to come home because I know I'll see him again if I come home. But now? Even though I come back to my hometown, it will not be the same anymore... not without him there. When will I ever see him again? God knows.

A little advice for those who are also in LDR:

1.) Long distance relationship relies on two things : trust and commitment. As long as you believe in your partner and keep your commitment, you'll be fine.

It is so much easier said than done. Distance is a terrible thing. Sometimes you feel as though your hearts are not connected anymore. You feel as though you don't understand each other. You began to fight, and you are scared seeing how your friends who are also in LDR began to break up one by one, and you wonder if that will happen to you as well.

2.)Don't worry too much about it. Life goes on. For me, I strongly believe that he is my one and only and I will keep trusting him, because I know that I can never feel this way again for anybody else. As lonely as I am right now, I have no intentions of breaking up. But if you feel that LDR is not working for you, don't force yourself. Break up and get it over with.

3.) Always remember that it is NOT going to be easy. Don't expect anything close to the relationship you were in back home because it is going to be entirely different. It is not going to be as romantic or intimate. There will come days when you feel lonely, but take it easy. Go out and hang around with your friends if you feel lonely, but remember to ALWAYS keep your trust and commitment. Your partner is not going anywhere and so is you.

4.) Seek moral support. If you look around, it's highly possible that you will find friends in the same situation as you (LDR) and trust me, that makes you feel a LOT better!


Lastly, say it to yourself : Long distance relationship? YES, I WILL SURVIVE!!!

Tahun baru 2010 : Perang Dunia II

Tahun baru 2010 saia lewatkan bersama temen2 SMA di rumah temen saya, Stanis. Meski nggak begitu banyak yang dateng, tapi tetep aja, seneng rasanya bisa kumpul2 lagi sama temen2 SMA setelah sekian lama. Bikin aq merasa kembali muda :P

Kenapa aku bilang 'Perang Dunia II'...? Jelas ada ceritanya, yg laen drpd yg laen XD

Jadii.... pas pergantian taun, kita pun memutuskan untuk maen kembang api. Temen saya sudah beli kembang api super yang ledakannya besar dan suaranya dahsyat. Kemudian, si kembang api itu pun dipasang di atas pagar rumah. Sesaat kelihatannya berdirinya cukup kokoh. Tapii.... setelah ledakan pertama, kedudukannya si kembang api jadi goyah. Posisinya jadi miring dengan moncong menghadap ke arah rumah stanis!

Setelah itu, saya nggak tahu apa yang terjadi.


Mungkin dia merasa takut kalo ledakan kembang api kena rumahnya stanis

Mungkin dia takut kalo rumahnya stanis kebakar


Pokoknya, seorang temen saya, anak Manajemen '07 berinisial K lantas me- NENDANG mercon tersebut. (Benar, si mercon super yang sedang nyala itu di- TENDANG begitu saja. Don't try this at home)

Si mercon pun melayang.... dan jatuh ke lapangan basket di depan rumah stanis... dengan moncong menghadap ke rumah stanis dan ke arah kita semua.

Selanjutnya....


DHUAR!!

Ledakan pertama, sekeras bom atom Hiroshima, tepat di belakang saya, hampir bikin jantung saya copot!! Saya langsung melompat kaget dan menjerit sekuat-kuatnya. Mau lari tapi otak dan tubuh rasanya gak bisa berkoordinasi dengan baik, jadi saya cuman mematung di tempat sambil jerit-jerit.

DHUARR!!

Ledakan kedua, lebih dekat dan lebih keras daripada yang tadi! Bunga api berwarna oren menyembur lewat samping saya. Satu pikiran pun melintas di benak saya. Kabur! Selamatkan diri! Dan saya pun berlari sekencangnya untuk berlindung di balik pagar rumah stanis.

DHUAAARR!!

Si mercon meledak lagi, dan ternyata percuma bersembunyi di balik pagar rumah stanis. Pagarnya bolong2 dan semburan bunga api warna ungu masuk melalui celah2 itu, lewat tepat di depan mukaku!!


Sekarang aku tahu rasanya perang dunia II


Selanjutnya si mercon pun meledak dan meledak.... Saya lupa tepatnya berapa ledakan... Ketika akhirnya ledakan-ledakan itu berhenti, saya menoleh ke sekeliling, ke arah wajah temen2 yang pada pucat semua.

Beberapa saat kita pandang2an tanpa ngomong apa2...

Setelah itu kita pun ngakak habis2an.

Gelok!! Bener2 pengalaman gila dan sensasi tak terlupakan! Meskipun kita semua sepakat kalo bahaya maen2 mercon kayak begitu, tapi lucu banget ngelihat semua kekacauan yang terjadi saat kita dengan panik berusaha menyelamatkan diri masing2 dengan berlindung di balik pagar, semak2, ato ngungsi ke dalam rumah. Kita ngakak bersama gak ada habisnya.

Ya ampunn.... Thanx for the memories, guys! I luv u all! Buat K the Mercon-Kicker laen kali jangan tendang mercon sembarangan! Happy new year, all! XD